aNXIETY

Anxiety is a hard thing to nail down and no matter how many articles that I’ve read named “15 ways to get rid of anxiety” – it just doesn’t seem to go.

I started having anxiety when I was living in another country. Every morning I would wake up with this almost burning feeling in my stomach. Butterflies on fire. It felt like I had to be doing something and I couldn’t work out what it was, it was so uncertain. I’d get to work and it would go but as soon as I’d finish and be on the way home – I would feel it again. I had strange feelings in my feet; restlessness and a weird amount of energy. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Then came the panic attacks. I’d be getting the subway and out of no where I would just lose it. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t be around people. I just needed to be alone in a dark room which is not the most cheery of places.

I remember being anxious at school, afraid to get off the bus and walk in which sounds so stupid but it was actually extremely intense. The thing about talking about anxiety is sometimes it just sounds silly. Like I can say sometimes it terrifies me to get a bus, and people can just laugh. It’s not all the time and I by no means have a fear of public transport but sometimes this feeling just takes over. I took more than my fair share of ferris buellers from school and have cancelled every plan here there and everywhere. I couldn’t sit still for five minutes and I’d nervously shake if I had too.

Anxiety is a mixture of a pulsing heart rate, uncertain feelings about the future and it can cause lack of concentration and irritability as well as fearfulness. It’s a reaction to your brain telling you that you’re in danger when you actually aren’t always.

I’ve heard many people suffering from Anxiety including youtubers Zoella and John Green. I still feel like it’s not talked about enough, I had no idea what was going on with my brain at all until my doctor suggested I take a CBT course in anxiety. It became real then. He said it’s helpful once you can identify all of these weird feelings as anxiety and begin to tell your brain that it’s just a feeling and it will pass. I was willing to do absolutely anything to help get this feeling away and I began to try all of the things that are recommended.

I stopped drinking so much coffee; I am very proud of myself from going to around 4-5 cups a day to just 1 in the morning. Coffee creates an increased pulse rate and can lead to sleep disorders which can lead to more anxiety.

I had a lot of changes in my life as well with job switches and moving back to England which caused a general unsettlement. I felt as if everything was so different all the time and I had stomach aches and head aches and total body aches. I tried hypnotherapy which really relaxed me and helped with stressful situations such as job interviews and driving tests. It was a little expensive but once you go once most of them give you a tape or a cd to listen to – and you can find them absolutely everywhere online. It sounds a bit off the wall but then again so am I so there you go.

Just basically avoid sitting around and obsessing. If all you focus on is the way you’re feeling – that’s the only way you’re going to feel. If you lose yourself in something else, it’ll give you a chance to get out of your head. I can’t say avoid stressful situations because they just happen and it’s likely to happen because that’s just what life is like. It’s all about managing the feeling. I find whenever I’m stressed out about something; I make a list. I write all the things that won’t go wrong if I do the thing and then I really really try to do the thing. If I cancel I usually regret it and sit fretting about the fact that I should have gone. If something makes me nervous I try and do it again to push myself and my comfort zone. Sometimes it’s as small as making a phone call and sometimes it’s trying to get back travelling again. It depends how strong I feel on the day and as cliche as it is: I do try and take every day at a time instead of thinking too far into the future.

Another thing that distresses me is dropping off the side of the earth. I switch off absolutely everything technical and go on a long hike by myself and just sit there and be quiet. I practice breathing methods (easily googleable but essentially you just focus on your breath) and meditation (which for me means being conscious of your thoughts rather than just blocking them out) and then talking to somebody. I rang my GP and got talking therapy which although is pretty hard to get and normally takes a few months, it is actually worth it. My friend said to me if you don’t do it now that’s another few months without it.

Basically anxiety is just about one of the worst feelings. It can strike any time and really stop you from leaving the house sometimes. Everything in life changes and barely anything is within our control. Because of this and how horrible and isolating it can feel.. maybe reading as many of those 15 things to stop anxiety is actually a good idea. The more you learn about something, the more you can stay in control of it.

Lost and Found

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