Beauty From Pain

“I got two choices, y’all. Pull over the car or bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor” – Jay-Z

Ok, ok. I know this is about running away from the cops, but there might just be something useful tucked away in here, so bear with me.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, then you’ve stumbled upon Lost and Found, and you get what they stand for, because that’s where you’re at with your life right now. That happened to me.

I fell out of a degree in Music Technology (with a First class BSc Hons, music technology, thank you, thank you) and into a role that’s changed my life. I’ve always been a creative type. I suck at drawing and everything art related, but I love writing music and lyrics.

Now that you know me a little better, let’s get to it.

The way I see it, you’ve always got a choice. Always. It sometimes doesn’t seem that way; it’ll often feel like things are happening around you that you don’t have control over. But you have a CHOICE on how you handle that. (Getting the Jay-Z connection yet?)

So you’re like me. You want to be creative with your life. You want to make a living, but not necessarily be wealthy. You want to chase your dreams rather than slave away for 50 years, building someone else’s. You want to make something of yourself; something that’s worth taking seriously, and something you’ll be remembered for when you pass to the other side. But the odds are stacked against you. You’ve got rent to pay, you don’t know the first place to get started, and it bugs the hell out of you.

Well, you’ve got two choices y’all.

Pull over the car. Give up. Accept that it’s really hard to support yourself as an artist in today’s society. Get a job, if you’re lucky. Wear a grey pinstripe suit, and get your head down. Don’t be creative. Don’t be original. Don’t be who you were born to be.

OR

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor. Use this time to drive you. Give yourself a reason for why you were lost, by finding a purpose. Explore every avenue. A doors shut on you, so climb through the window. You’re unemployed? Great. Get an easy job, and use that time to write your album. You don’t feel creative today? Great. Take a day off from forcing it, and soak up inspiration from others (Lost and Found is a great place to start). You don’t know what you’re doing with your life? Great. Neither does anyone else, regardless of what they portray. Try a whole bunch of things until you find what works for you.

I don’t think we’re ever truly “found”. Rather, I think we keep on finding out more and more about ourselves, constantly adapting. So stay hungry; and let that motivate you to follow your dreams (as cliché as that sounds).

Really getting to know me: I self-harm. I guess I should say I used to. I’ve got better ways of coping now. It still sneaks up on me from time to time, but it’s a fight I’m winning.

Why am I over sharing so? We’ve only just met for heavens sake.

Because in my awkward teenage years; I was getting bullied and generally not really doing well with the ladies and I took out all my frustration and anger on myself. It felt like it was never going to end. I was about ready to pull over the car. I reached a point where I didn’t want to live any more.

But instead, I put the pedal to the floor.

It wasn’t a sudden revelation. No angelic chorus. Just a gradual change, as I realized I didn’t have to be that way. Music was a far better release for me. It helped me get better and stay stronger.

I now run a non-profit organization called Heads Above The Waves (HATW.co.uk) which aims to help other people who are struggling with self-harm, to find better, more creative and positive ways to deal with everything that life hurls their way. Heads Above The Waves is about helping people to find what works for them. There’s no “one size fits all” solution to self-harm, same as with life. But HATW is almost a REASON for that crap I went through as a teenager. Things had to happen the way they did so that I’d understand the need to help other people. I took something that seemed bad, a time when I was ready to give up, a time when I felt truly lost, and I turned it into something positive. A way to find myself, and a way to hopefully help other people find themselves. This was never a path that I’d planned to take, or one that, even 12 months ago, I would’ve seen coming. I thought I was going to graduate and start making sound effects for video games. But I took, and continue to take, every opportunity that comes my way, and it’s led me to this point, where I feel like I’m starting to find a purpose to my life. A really simple notion: spread hope.

And so to you, I say this: USE that feeling of being lost. Let it drive you. Let it spur you to push back at the world when it pushes you down. You’ve always got a choice. Sometimes you need to just TRY things to know what’s waiting beyond. Every step, however small, insignificant, or even backwards it may seem, is progress. Make your choice to be who you want to be. You’ve only got yourself to answer to.

Unless you’re running away from the cops, in which case, there’s a pretty serious legal system to answer to. Probably best to just pull over in that situation.

Si Martin

Heads Above The Waves

https://www.facebook.com/HeadsAboveTheWaves